Single,lonely,and miserable

Every time something good in my life happens something super shitty tends to follow. I’m getting really sick of it. When will this nightmare be over… I am so done with this, and I’m serious this time. I like sex, so what?!? I can still have that without a relationship. If you ask me love is stupid and overrated and I will never experience it and you know what I really don’t care. ALRIGHT I take that back! I take it all back! I hate it so much but I want it so badly! Is it really that hard to find a guy who isn’t gonna just use me and leave me broken hearted again. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight because I’m so lonely, I’m 19 years old.. This is not where I pictured myself being at this age. I’m not in school and have no job and now my sister kicked me out so I have to move back into my parents house! It is the most embarrassing thing and everyone in my family just loves telling that I’m a failure and loser and going nowhere in my life, as if I didn’t know that already. Thanks. This whole month has been shitty, I don’t even know how to talk to a guy without thinking about sleeping with him or hooking up. Not to mention i did the most humiliating thing ever and told my brother inlaws cousin that I have feelings for him and he totally denied me. Thank god I’m moving so I’ll never have to see him again, being around him makes me so depressed and I seriously can’t even be in the same room as him without my heart feeling like its about to be shattered into a million pieces. He thinks he’s too good for me I know he does because why else wouldn’t he want me. I’m pretty, well atleast sometimes I think I can be pretty. It’s hard to know tho when no guys want to actually be in a relationship with me and all they want is sex. And I like sex don’t get me wrong I do but I really need something more than just that. I want the cute hand holding and cuddling and staying up late and having long talks, going on crazy vacations together. I want a guy to look at me and not be able to stop smiling because he is so in love with me. I want him to play me songs in his guitar and sing to me all the time. I want to wake up with his arms wrapped around me every morning. I just want to be loved. Is that a hard thing to ask for?. All the guys I’ve talked to or have been with don’t want me for longer than a month.. I will never get my happy ending, I’ll just stay single, lonely, and miserable. I can’t even get this guy to text me back, and now he’s mad at me. SEE, I’m done.